When I began writing on WP years ago, I was an open book. The words may have been blurred and some pages stuck together, but mostly I poured out my soul recklessly and with fevered anticipation. Now, I analyze every letter and nuance I ink. My delete button has become faded and soft with overuse. The voices in my head are angry and disappointed in me. I have stolen their stories from them and locked them away from others and myself.
At work I am confident and daring. But alone with my passion and thoughts, I cringe with self-doubt. Not only about writing, but about being a mother, a friend, a lover. I fear exposing myself to others. I fear not reaching out. I fear my words will betray me. I fear this is not where I belong. I fear this is where I need to be.
©03/2019
Whiskey Tales and Spells 
That’s an awful lot of fear to have penned up inside of you, but I can understand where you’re coming from. Sometimes, I feel as if I don’t even recognize who I once was, when I was ready to take the world by storm. And, the voices…yeah…I hear them too. All that is said to tell you, you’re not alone.
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I know I’m not alone … but it can often feel that way. So much distance between all of the wandering souls.
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Yeah. I get that.
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Oh! It is so hard to be open, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, open to scouting, to fill ourselves with self doubt and criticism. The problem is that being a closed book is far more isolating, it’s so much harder to be close to someone who hides themselves,. And yes, I am talking from personal experience. I am definitely a “keep things close to my chest” kind of person. But I wish I wasn’t. I really appreciated this post. Thank you.
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It is frustrating because I was once so much more open. Thank you for taking the time to share.
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I guess the question for you is then, what changed?! I hope you rediscover your level of openness that you feel comfortable in.
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Thank you.
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*scrutiny
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I love knowing what bloggers look like. Your photo is beautiful!
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Thank you — you are too kind.
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Just honest. But knowing there’s a real person there makes the experience of reading you more real for me.
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I understand that completely. 🙂
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I can only speak for myself, but self-doubt and various other insecurities are why I began putting pen to paper over 40 years ago. It was only in my writing that I could truly express myself. At the end of the day so many things are just a facade…but my pen can only give the truth. To echo others, I agree… you are beautiful and it does lend to a better connection with your words.
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Thank you for this. When I began blogging, I only wrote erotic short stories and was not afraid of the connections I made with others here. As my writing changed, and I allowed my truths freedom, my self-doubts increased, not lessened. But … I can feel that changing within me.
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I hope they continue to. As we have ~ discussed ~ before, many of us in our genre have demons of one nature or another. The opportunity for understanding and connections could be beneficial in many ways.
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