I have escape routes planned to the far reaches of the earth, or possibly just to Chicago. I will go where everyone least expects me, into the bitter embrace of the biting wind and lose myself in the kiss of sleet. I will find a way to make snow demons while hiding my halo beneath the fur of my coat. I will smile constantly, instantly becoming unrecognizable in the false joy of being free … of myself. I will bathe in the scent of dark roasted coffee forgetting my love of the ocean breeze. My saline addiction will transform into a craving for lake side lounging, or not. My hazel eyes will brighten to emerald jewels, filled not with jealousy but wanderlust, refueled. And I will cry alone in the crowded city just as I have always cried alone in my solitary sea.